


The Word ‘Fate’ is Pretty Cliche for Fics, But Isn’t Every Love Story?

by Scarletnumber



Category: Gintama
Genre: Comedy, F/M, Romance, Slow Romance
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-09-01
Updated: 2020-09-10
Packaged: 2021-03-07 03:00:50
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 4
Words: 11,590
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26229844
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Scarletnumber/pseuds/Scarletnumber
Summary: My eyes widen in shock as I stared at the silver haired man before me, his dead pan eyes showing I was far beyond his recollection of memories. I recall years back, my cold, frost bitten fingers patting his head. A man laying against a grave, awaiting his own death.“So,” The man started, his voice monotone. “You have business with Yorozuya or do I have to charge you by the minute for wasting my time?”As I overcome my surprise, I shut my gaping mouth. I reached into my sleeve for my money.“Sure,” I spoke. “I’d like to see the house I used to live in.”I playfully smacked the pack of money into his chest and took a step in.
Relationships: Sakata Gintoki & Original Female Character(s), Sakata Gintoki/Original Female Character(s), Sakata Gintoki/Reader, Sakata Gintoki/You
Comments: 18
Kudos: 56





	1. Chapter 1

Edo was quite filthy, but I am sure I have seen filthier.

I know by now I should not be surprised anymore by how Japan’s towns have changed since the Amantos invaded, but there is something about the central tower in the heart of this city that makes you stop and look up.

Well, at least one who was sightseeing. All the locals won’t bat an eye.

I continued my way. 

The city may have changed, but the format of its streets were exactly how I remember them. After years of traveling, you learn it is pretty useless navigating via memory of shops, buildings or attraction points. Time will always change and warp them. If you understand the history and style of an area, structures and formats make it easier to navigate. 

Or you can use a GPS. I took out my phone.

”Where the hell is it,” I muttered to myself.

It took me a few minutes, but my phone assured me I was going the right direction. As it noted I was approaching my destination, my heart beats faster.

When I turned the corner and looked down the street, I felt lightheaded. I saw it. Snack Otose. As I approached it I looked up, where a signboard I did not recognize hung above it on the second level, spelling out, ‘Yorozuya Gin Chan’. As I faced the closed entrance, the door slid open before I can touch it. An Amanto with cat ears appeared before me. Her face looked like she always smelled something bad. As discreetly as I can, I sniffed hard at myself just in case, trying my best to not flare my own nose. Nope. That was really her face.

”What do you want? We don’t open until evening. We are also not hiring ugly girls like you. Beauties only.”

Her accent was so odd, I barely understood her.

”Is Otose-san here?”

”Exactly _who_ is looking for her,” the Amanto spoke in a condescending manner. “Don’t think y-“

I immediately took a step sideways as her entire body launched forward. It seems someone had thrown a rice cooker at her back with an insane amount of force. 

“You’re so busy yapping your mouth off,” an older woman’s voice, raspy and coarse, was yelling at the opened entrance. “You forgot to bring this with you. How are you going to exchange it for a new one without it?”

I smiled at her voice. “Ba-chan, I don’t think they will even look at it, now that a dent is on it.”

”Ha?!” The owner of the voice steps out, demanding exactly who was speaking to her. As Otose steps out and looks at me, her eyes widened, and she fell silent. We both ignore the Amanto, who was busy yelling profanity at us. 

“You...”

I took my Kasa hat off my head and scratched my head, “Mind if I have a drink? Other folks don’t pour sake the same way you do, Ba-chan.”

The old lady stared at me in silence, before stepping aside for me to enter.

—

The interior of the snack bar was basically the same as I had remembered it. It felt like I traveled back in time. The only difference was Otose’s aged face, her two new workers, and the bar counter being a lot shorter than I remembered. She had an Amanto and a robot work for her. What a peculiar sight.

The firm thud of a full bottle of alcohol snapped me out of my thoughts as I paid attention to the direction of it. Otose was pouring into two red cups. 

“I thought you were dead. I haven’t heard from you for years.”

“I’m sorry,” I smiled. “I mean, I guess I was.”

Otose’s eyes flicked to me for a second before looking back at our cups. She does not say anything. I guess I also forgot about those keen eyes she had. She slides a cup to me. I hold it up and respectfully cheered to her, genuinely grateful for the cup she poured. We both took a sip. I sighed. Truly, a drink from home is where it is at. 

“So,” Otose lights up another cigarette. She offers me one. I politely decline. ”What brings you back after all these years? If you want your old home back, I will gladly kick the current resident out. At least you tried to pay rent on time.” 

I laughed. “Sad to hear the place is taken. Although, I would not mind taking a look at it now. See how different it is compared to my teen years.”

“Should be better,” Otose mutters. She blows smoke into the air. “There are three squatters, but it’s three squatters better than a young girl fending for herself.”

I stare at my cup. My smile never leaves. “That’s very true.”

We sat in peace as Otose smokes her cigarette and I sip my drink, embracing each other’s presence. I owed this woman my life. I was close, but I was hoping to one day pay my due diligence. It’s the least I could do.

”If you’re returning thinking you owe me something,” Otose warns. “I’ll make sure you never step foot in Edo again.”

I scoff. Warmth fills my heart but also squeezes it. “Not that easy to get rid of me, Ba-chan.”

She chuckles. “Just tell me you’re living a happier life and go.”

But I can’t. My smile never falters, but Otose sees right through. Her eyes stare into me, before she looks away. “If you have business here, you better do it quickly. Just don’t cause trouble with my business.”

”Of course.” I gently pushed the empty cup towards her and reached for my hat I placed next to me. In silence, I walked towards the doorway.

“Come visit when you can,” The old lady calls out to me. “You gotta help me teach these girls a lesson or two. How it’s done.”

I laugh for the first time as I turn back to look at her. Otose’s face was softer as she gave me a smile, but her eyes were full of concern and worry. This woman is the only mother figure I’ve ever had. Just wished it was safe for me to stay here. Return here. But I knew better. 

“Well,” I lightened my tone. I looked up at the stairs to the left, outside the doorway. I placed my hat back on. “If you want me to cause problems, I think I’ll start with up there.” I hear Otose chuckle to herself as I slide the door shut.

I’m not sure why Ba-chan is allowing three squatters to live in such a spacious place upstairs, but it wouldn’t hurt to see how the place looks like now. As I walk up the stairs, I hear shouting. There was a lot of noisy bickering of three voices, with what seemed like their television blasting on high volume. I tune out whatever they are saying, since I hate loud voices. I sigh and knock on the door. 

Almost immediately, it was silent. I knocked again.

Silent 

”Oi.” I called out in a lower, warning tone, trying my best to retain at least some politeness in my voice. What are they, five? “I heard you guys as I came up the stairs.” 

I hear whispers.

”I-It’s sounds like a woman’s voice, Gin-san,” a young boy’s voice was heard from the thin paper door. There was a tinge of excitement from his voice and I cringe in second-hand embarrassment from the pure virginity oozing out of him.

”Nah, nah,” a deeper, mature voice whispered. “It’s a fake, probably prerecorded by newspaper companies to lure out the Ms to answer their door. Ms love a low and mature, alluring voice-“

”Then Shinpachi,” a young girls voice was not even masking herself in a whisper at this point. “You should answer the doo-“

”Now hold on a minute,” the boy quickly retorted, his voice now much louder, “Why am I an M-“

”Pachuan,” the man’s voice teased. “It’s okay, there’s no reason to hide. In this day and age w-“

”Glad to know you find my voice ‘alluring’,” I spoke amusingly. “But sorry, I’m more of a brat, I’d prefer an S.”

There was a scuffle before heavy footsteps rushes towards me. The door slid open and a man appeared. My heart almost stopped from the quick recognition. My eyes widen in shock as I stared at the silver haired man before me, his deadpan eyes showing I was far beyond his recollection of memories.

It is not often you get to see a silver haired perm. Especially one with red eyes to go with it. So it was easy to remember, even if you didn’t want to for some odd reason. I recall years back when my cold, frost bitten fingers patted his head. His hair was so fluffy despite how he probably hasn’t washed it for days. A silver-haired man with red, empty eyes laying against a grave, awaiting his own death - I took such a rare sight as my own omen, but my young self with the dwindling imagination I had left hoped he may be a blessing to another life less cruel than mine. The winter was also nipping me to death, but I gave him the only thing I had to keep me warm. A thin fleece shawl. I remember his body close to lifeless, despite having a pulse.

_“I’m dying first,” I whispered to him and I tried to tuck the shawl securely from the strong wind, but my fingers were too weak and no longer had fine motor control. I mentally prayed mother nature would let him have at least a few extra minutes. “So, you might as well have this.”_

“So,” The man before me started, his voice monotone but a fake, polite smile plastered on his face. “You have business with Yorozuya or do I have to charge you by the minute for wasting my time?”

I’m pulled away from my thoughts as I look at him. He looked good. He is definitely a few years older than me, but probably not by a lot. He had more muscle, his face a bit more filled out compared to when he was starving to death. At least he kept his perm trimmed. His outfit was odd, but honestly in this age it was not surprising. My own get up must have came off the same too, as I caught him looking at me the same way.

As I overcome my surprise, I shut my gaping mouth. I reached into my sleeve for my money. 

“Sure,” I spoke. “I’d like to see the house I used to live in.”

Before he can speak, before I can hear an utter of confusion I didn’t have the patience for, I playfully smacked the pack of money into his chest and took a step in.


	2. Chapter 2

It was a painfully hot and scorching summer day.

Gintoki groans as he plops one foot up the desk. Even without shoes, his toes were so sweaty it was disgusting. Without opening his eyes, he grabbed his finished Jump series and flung it towards his left. He heard it hit something, and Kagura’s voice grunts. Her voice was just as listless.

“Oi,” Gintoki starts. “Get off the fan.”

And as always, he was completely ignored. Kagura was slumped over their fan, completely drenched.

“Kagura,” He spat in annoyance. “You know if you slump over it like that you don’t feel anything.”

“Gin-chan,” She groans out. “I can’t feel anything either way.”

“Gin-san,” A monotone, lifeless voice from a pair of glasses a young boy was melting off of speaks out, its lens close to foggy at this point. “When will summer be over.”

Even Ketsuna Ana could not make this hot day bearable.

“All this sun, no beauties,” Gin said. “At least give us a reason to be sweating so much.”

“Gin-san,” Shinpachi starts again. “It’s close to hopeless at your age now. Please give up.”

Normally, he would have easily retorted, but he could not conjure up the energy for it. Just thinking about it made Gin sweat more. He lets out a grunt of a voice instead. Suddenly, the doorbell rings.

“Pachh,” Gintoki groans out to Shinpachi. “Anssdwuah.”  
  
No one moves. The doorbell rings again.

Gin-san was sure he spoke clearly, but at this point, he wasn’t sure himself. “…Inpachhh! Ans Dwuah!”

A groan comes out. Movement from the couch.

“Oi!” A woman’s voice calls out. It was a familiar one, one he has not heard since last summer.

Gintoki opens his eyes as he stares out the window. The sky clear as day, not a cloud in sight. The voice from outside spoke again. There was only one voice that deep and sultry. When he hears it he thinks of honey and ginger sake, and if it tastes as good as it sounds.

“Don’t tell me you guys died already.”

It was that woman. Gintoki got up and headed towards the door, not even caring he had bumped the slowly withering Four-Eyes. Gintoki watched the silhouette of the screen. Sliding open his door, his eyes met eyes of gold. Cold and alert, but bright and cheery at the sight of him.

“Yo, handsome!” She grins. She seemed a bit tanner now, but there was a warm glow to her skin. Her grin was crooked and a little mischievous, but it made it all the more…her. He noticed new scars on her left hand she waved at him with. Her right hand was completely bandaged. She was wearing a thinner yukata now, loosely tied. Like before, her entire chest was covered, up to her neck. But this time, the whole area was entirely wrapped and bandaged. Even her left leg revealed bandages that reached down to her mid-thigh.

This moment brought back his first impression of her, the first time she had knocked on their door.

_Gintoki held onto the packet of money that just appeared in his hands after the strange woman stepped in. He opened it and noticed the amount of large bills. His eyes widened and turned to the woman, who was taking off her sandals. He found a savior. Sugar momma, savior – same thing._

_“God, is that you?!”_

_The woman chuckled. She had removed her hat and her long hair fell around her face. When she straightened up, Gintoki noticed the light, subtle nose piercing she had on the left side. An odd sight, at least in this town. It wasn’t like she was a gyaru, or any of those annoying delinquent youths with their trendy piercings and tattoos. She did not even dress or talk like one. There was nothing to even make fun of or comment on, something that Gintoki almost instinctually does every time he sees any of these ridiculous youths. She looked about his age, and she held a stoic presence, despite her playful demeanor. It was a very odd impression he could not comprehend just yet. But one thing is for sure. He can spot a soldier no matter how well hidden, no matter man or woman. It is in their eyes. No matter what, there is a specific kind of exhaustion seen in them that Gintoki finds often. In his fellow comrades, in the people here in Edo. In her own golden eyes._

_Her cheekbones sat high, the oils on her face making her face shine even in their dingy home. Her eyes were scanning the entrance area. Gintoki’s eyes naturally traveled down to her chest, even if she was wearing a black, sleeveless turtleneck underneath her yukata. No woman escapes the wrath of his third eye, flat chested and big chested alike. He scanned the rest of her. No sword. Tattoos peered out her sleeve from her wrist to her palms, but the rest of her right arm was heavily bandaged. Her left leg shyly peeking out the opening of her yakuta as it was adjusted at her hip. She was wearing black, very short shorts that hugged very snuggly. As she looked around, she made sure he never left her peripheral vision. She was cautious, despite her open attitude. Gintoki straightened up as he slid their entrance door shut._

_“After you, milady,” Gintoki offered. She just paid off two months of rent, and some pachinko trips._

_“No,” the woman said it like a fact, but tried to hold on to as much politeness in her tone as possible. She looked back at him in the eyes and offered a nice, empty smile. She looked tired. “After you. Still your home, after all.”_

_Although aware this woman had tattoos hidden, nothing went off in Gintoki’s head about this woman yet. He complied and walked ahead first._

_He led her to the main area and found Kagura and Shinpachi in their usual seating areas._

_“Your children?” The woman asked. She waves at them. Shinpachi greets her, while Kagura peeks at her from the couch. Gintoki tries to swat Kagura away for the guest, but in annoyance, Kagura kicked him next to his groin area, right at the tenderness of his inner thigh. He groans and curses under his breath. “Do they look like my children? I might need to jump off if you say they do.”  
  
“For such a beautiful little girl,” the woman looks down at Kagura in amazement. For a second there was an odd look of recognition on her face before it was masked by a playful smile. “I highly doubt it.”_

_Gintoki is clutching onto his thigh in pain. He watched the woman grin at Kagura._

_“You have gorgeous eyes,” she spoke to her. “And that hair color - now, you can’t get that out of a bottle!”_

_The young brat of a Yato was cheeky now, perking up. “Of course! I got all my genetics from my mammy!”_

_“No,” Gintoki sighs as he walks back to his office table. “You can still go bald by thirty-“_

_Kagura indeed gets off the couch, as she sends a flying kick to Gin’s. Almost naturally, the woman sits down, facing Shinpachi._

_Fending off Kagura, Gintoki hears Shinpachi start a conversation. He had poured the woman some tea. She thanked him._

_“So,” Shinpachi said in his warm and polite voice. “What brings you here? How may we help you?”_

_“Nothing,” she takes a sip, as her eyes wander around the area. Again, she speaks this like it was a law she was informing. Her tone didn’t match her replies. Her eyes rests on Kagura and Gintoki, wrestling with their feet at each other’s faces. There was a small contempt smile. Tired, but contempt. “I was stopping by and felt like taking a nostalgic trip.”_

_Her eyes continued to look around, like she was watching a great scenery. It almost felt odd for the three of them, and Gintoki sensed it. Their home isn’t exactly tidy and appealing, even with Shinpachi doing the house chores. It felt a bit embarrassing that someone came in just to see their living conditions. What was so great about this dingy place?_

_“Well,” He started as he flips Kagura off him. He hears the young girl climb and hang onto the back of his chair. “This place is not up for grabs. So to clarify, that money just paid two months rent for us, not you.”  
  
“I’m aware,” The woman takes another sip. There were scars that decorated her hands. “This place looks better like this anyway.”_

_She looked at Kagura, then at him. “A pretty girl, a handsome man-“ she turned to Shinpachi and took a slight pause before returning to her polite smile. “A boy.”_

_Shinpachi goes off, but the woman ignores him and looked back at Gintoki. “I wouldn’t fill this place any better.”_

_As Gintoki was silently marveling at her compliment, he can also feel Kagura’s smugness next to him. The woman gets up and took one last look around before taking a deep breath. “Well, that’s enough of that.”_

_She makes her way back to the entrance. Shinpachi abruptly stops midway in his rant, looking at her. “That’s it? You paid this much just to see how your old home looks?”_

_A small smile settles in her face. Gintoki is quiet. There was something in the way she smiled that made his soul grieve. Over nothing. He frowned in annoyance. He hated these kinds of smiles._

_“Needed a better memory of it,” She smiled at Shinpachi and winked at Kagura. “I’ll be back, when I need another new memory.” She made her way towards the entrance. Shinpachi follows her. Kagura lets go of the back of Gin’s chair and follows as well. Gintoki stays put. He watched as she looked back at him one more time before exiting the main area. She was grinning again. “Bye, handsome!”_

_“Well, come back anytime,” Kagura spoke to the woman casually. “Next time I’ll teach you my secret beauty tricks! Perhaps something for your eyes because you must be seeing things!”_

_Gintoki turns his chair around and stares up the window as the sound of the woman’s laughter rings out, slightly melodic, slightly melancholic. The sky was clear and blue._

  
-

Gintoki knows recovery from battle when he sees it. He has seen way too many battles in his lifetime to not have. Looking at the woman now, she just got back from something. But seeing her mischievous grin, her light, playful tone – he didn’t feel the right to ask.

“I’m not into necrophilia, sorry.” Gintoki scratched his chest. “But if you head down to r-“

The woman brushes past him, ignoring his comment. She excuses herself in such a mockingly polite tone as she stepped in, it made him sick.

“I’ll buy you an AC,” she started as she took off her shoes. “As it seems the heat it getting to your head. Now where are your children? Kagura got some tricks she needs to spill.”

Gintoki watched her move her shoes, tucking them away against the wall out of respect. Her neck was a bit revealed, as the adhesive of the bandages on her neck was coming off. A red tattoo from behind her ear peeked out and disappeared by the slightest movement of her long hair. He sucked his teeth. “We don’t need an AC from you. Just buy us some food, will ya?”

She had agreed, but the next day after she was long gone, a new air conditioner delivered to the Yorozuya.

Perhaps you can think of better pick-up lines when your brain is not fried, a note wrote.

Gintoki ripped the note apart, but paused for a second before throwing it out the window.


	3. Chapter 3

“I wouldn’t move if I were you,” I warned. I was barely paying attention to the guy on the ground.  
  
I focused on my right wrist. The cut was deep and a lot more blood was trickling out than what I was used to seeing. The night was about to start, and I am already at a bad start. But I guess that is what I get for not focusing.

Shit. I am really out of it today.

_“Hey Suka,” Kagura called out to me, pitching in another nickname for me. Well, it was not any better than ‘Sugar Kane’, ‘Suge-san’, ‘Cane-chan’, or ‘Kane-sama’, but I went along with it. Ever since I told them I had no name, the Yorozuya took it upon themselves to wing new names for me until they found the right one. They could not stop affiliating me as a sugar mommy, as now I am treating them to dessert since I was craving sweets. It has been very entertaining. I smiled at the young Yato as she continued._

_“Since you’re visiting again for the third time, you are coming back next year, right? Next time can you get me a –“_

_“She’s an ATM machine but ATM machines have a withdrawal limit too you know. You think you have a black card when you actually have the member’s card for Da*so-“_

_“Oops,” I gasped. My spoon was sinking into the center of Gintoki’s face. “Darn these bandages, I tell you.”_

I tugged at the bandaging, letting it cut into my skin a bit. This should not only slow the bleeding, but also cut down the pain. I bite down at the end of my bandage to tear it, as I watched the man before me struggle to get up from the ground. He blended with his own blood.  
  
I flexed my right hand, opening and closing them. I cannot be careless. Or else Doctor will find me and have my head.

“Listen, if you want to stand up,” I entertained as I looked down. “That’s not the way to do it. You’ll just lose more blood.”

I watched the man crawl. I heard his throat gurgle. As he should. But I should wrap it up. I have another job to do.

_“What do you do anyway?”_

_As Shinpachi asked the question that seemed to be on everyone’s mind, I can feel Gintoki settle into a silence, but he did not look at my way._

_“I clean,” I spoke, without missing a beat._

_“Clean?” Kagura asked. “With those bandages? That’s gross. Shinpachi, I will never complain about you again.”_

_As Shinpachi and Kagura bickered, Gintoki turned to look at me._

_“If you want,” He started. “If you would like a new memory to take with you, you should clean your old home for a good ol' nostalgia trip-“_

_“If you want to court me, asking me to clean for you is not the way-“_

_“I told you I’m not into necroph-“_

_My empty parfait glass seemed to also be attracted to Gintoki’s face. Blood came out his nose.  
  
Shinpachi offered his last scone to me because he could not finish it. What a doll.  
  
_

I grabbed the man’s head by the hair and pulled it up to look at me. He looks better in his own blood. I spoke.

“Repent.”

With my right, I held his own blade to his neck and slowly cut.

His blood was warm, but thick and dark. It was disgusting. But as I continued in a sawing motion, a wet grating noise quietly sounds as I cut through his neck. A soft crack sounded, and the blade started to cut smoother. His gurgling stopped.

_“Oi.” A breathless, relaxed Gintoki spoke out. I look down. It was night now. I had stayed longer than I had expected today. But it should be okay. The sky was still clear, and it was a full moon. I was having my last drink outside Yorozuya above the snack bar. It was late, but the noise below was rowdy. What a family._

_It was nice to know Otose was with two workers that seem more like the daughters she should have. Although odd and peculiar in their own way, there was care there. A care I could not provide, and a comfort that I could not afford. In one night, Tama and her expansive database went from informing me about Edo to bringing the entire snack bar into a nostalgic trip. From Edo’s Shinsengumi, to cabaret or host clubs, to even a homeless person, to all these different names they were telling me I have not met yet - Gintoki IS the streets. He had so much history with Edo, the place I had long abandoned. It was assuring to know Otose was surrounded. She was an incredibly strong woman, but with such a powerfully soft heart. She stood there in pleasant silence, listening, as she smoked away._

_Besides the entire bar having a council meeting to decide a proper name for me, I had also learned how Gintoki and Otose met. At least mother nature did grant one wish to me. Gintoki was saved by the same woman who saved me, briefly delaying my dread of death like how I wished the same would happen for a certain silver-haired man. The more I listened, the more I could not stop staring at Gintoki. It was harder for me to keep my eyes away from him. But I guess this was also true towards many people who I found surrounded us at the bar. Otose, Catherine, Tama, Kagura, Shinpachi, the weird homeless man in shades._

_Suddenly, I think back to the feeling where, during mid-debate over my name that involved two broken full-size sake bottles, a bloody nose, and a g-string, Kagura had called out to me._

_“Anego,” Kagura called out after sending the homeless man crashing to the wall. Otose was livid. “I think you should just make an official list of all of these names so our fic writer doesn’t need to pick one. She’s going through a pandemic where some people don’t wear masks. Let’s give her a break.”_

_Anego. I smiled._

_The sound of Gintoki’s approaching footsteps against the wooden steps brings me out of my thoughts. He plopped his elbows against the railing next to me, his cheeks slightly flushed, but his eyes completely sober. It was a stark contrast to the Gin who just had a drinking competition with Catherine and me. His hair seemed to almost glow under the full moon._

_Without a word, with one hand he carefully placed on the wooden railing two small cups between us, then poured me a cup with the bottle of sake he was holding. After pouring his, he lifted his own and waited for me. I set my previous cup aside and I took my new cup._

_“You ought to consider coming here again before the year ends,” Gintoki muttered. “A year seems a bit long to see if you’re dead or not.”_

_I chuckled. My head was a bit lightheaded, but I have not felt this relaxed in a while. “I’m not hiding anything. If you ask the right questions, I simply answer.”_

_Gintoki scoffed in disbelief. “Just come back again. The kids were just wondering Halloween or hotpot before the New Year with you. Maybe you can sponsor for our premium meat.”_

_“My oh my Mr. Sakata,” I tried my best American sitcom voice from the Fifties. “We haven’t even gotten to second base, how can I possibly settle down now -“_

_“…In what world would Gintama EVER crossover with I Love Lucy? We are in Japan!“_

_“Well, " I exasperated, "If you insist, Ricky...why, I think you should get me a pre-engagement ring first.”_

_“What the hell is a pre-engagement ring? Why are you not socially normal-”  
  
“Diamonds are truly a girl’s best friend, yes, but you’re right! Oh, the kids, Ricky. The kids!“_

_“Lucy!” I hear dead on imitation of Ricky Ricardo. “Are you listening to me?!”_

_I looked at my right hand holding onto the cup Gintoki poured, heavily bandaged once again. “Then again, perhaps a pre-engagement necklace-“_

_Having enough, Gintoki started yelling but as I watched his animated face and hear his loud voice, I could not help but laugh out loud. I clutched my stomach. It made him angrier._

_“Forget it. Anyway,” Gintoki muttered impatiently, giving up. He lifted his cup to me. I stared at him in the moonlight. I breathed it in, hoping this image would replace my first memory of him. This is good enough. More than good. I will take this and be fine if I suddenly die tomorrow. I thought this for the second time tonight, as I look at his soft smile. He continued._

_“To you returning safely.”_

I looked up at the sunset. Blood orange. I felt blood dripping down my cheek. I felt my robe soaked in red. I am disgusting. I sighed as I closed my eyes. Summer breezes have turned to chilly, lonesome wind. I let the man’s wet, decapitated head slip from my hands. The harsh rustling of fallen, dried leaves masks the sound of its fall.

Hotpot doesn’t sound so bad.

-

Gintoki sat at the bar, staring at the pack of money he just gave Otose. He held his cup of sake in hand.

“What is this?” the old hag spoke out in the dark. Even though the entire bar was closed now and not a single light was on, Gintoki can see the old woman’s pair of eyes dart around, as if hunting down any hidden cameras. A stronger waft of cigarette smoke came towards him. “You? Paying rent?”

Gintoki drew his cup towards his lips and took a sip. “You think the worst of me, baba. Cut me some slack.”  
  
“No, no. Just can’t believe you worked enough for once, because by natural law, you are too much of a lazy scum to pay rent.”

He was annoyed. Why does she need an explanation over something she’s been bitching him to do all this time? “Are you going to take the money or not?”

Otose chuckled. “Does it hurt your pride that you might have a sugar mommy?”

Gintoki scoffed so abnormally loud that his voice cracked. “Anyone would kill to be in my shoes. A babe paying for my expenses and I barely need to put in effort? Hurt?!”

A smile settled on the old woman as she watches him lost in his thoughts, his cup of sake still hovering in front of his mouth as he continued to mutter to himself. “What hurts my pride is when that woman thinks it’s okay to look more exhausted each time she gives money. If you’re going to offer money for my services at least look like you want the sugar! This is a once in a lifetime chance here-”

“Have you thought maybe you _don’t_ have the suga-“

“Shut it, old hag.”

They allowed their silence to settle in the bar. Gintoki sips on his drink, Otose smokes her cigarette. It was late at night; summer was long over. But for some reason, in this cool autumn season, with the night clear and bright from the moon, Gintoki did not want to go to bed. In this kind of moonlight, it gave the streets such a wistful luster that kept his mind up. He found Otose felt the same, as she also looked out the sky.

“Gintoki.”

His eyes shifted to the old woman. He could not see her face from where he sat.  
  
“I don’t have much to say about that woman at the moment.” The old woman spoke so softly, she was whispering. “Because I fear if I speak of her or even utter her name under this kind of sky, she might never return.”

Gintoki looked down at his cup, the liquid shining in the dark.

_Now next to her with a closer view, Gintoki stared at her as she laughed. Again, so melodic, but this time, the melancholic tone was not there. He was also caught by surprise. Her smile, free of restraint, was very pretty. He could not look away._

_A moment ago, from the base of the stairs, he had caught her look when she was standing alone in front of their home. Looking at the sky, she was at peace, like she was satisfied enough. Grateful. It did not seem right to him. Thinking to himself, he did not find an issue with someone who was feeling the happiness of a loved one with those of strangers. But with this woman, there was something so sad and angry about it to him. Something so self-sabotaging. He felt like telling her that there was more. She just never stayed long enough to experience it, damn woman._

_He raised his cup to her. The liquid in his cup glimmered just like her eyes, like her face as her cheeks gently popped from her smile. It made him smile._   
  
_“To you returning safely.”_

_He sipped on his cup slowly as he wished this on his soul. He did it for anyone he shared a drink with. As the sake seeped down his throat, he hoped to see her again. Stop by, have a drink. Just let them know she was alive. A year was too much to see if someone they made memories with was dead or not. There is something so cruel about people who leave such a wonderful and beautiful impression, shrinking their selves until they were like ghosts, when they were still very much alive and thriving in everyone’s lives and minds._

_“Gintoki.”_

_He turned to look at her but felt a hand on top of his head. Something about it made him freeze. It did not feel like she was advancing, or anything of strange or perverted intent. Her hand was light as it stroked down, her fingers raking through his hair. Something in him felt weird, almost out of body. His eyes widened, staring at her expression. She was staring at his hair, happy, relieved, and at peace. Like she was looking at an old friend. She looked at him in the eyes. Her eyes shown so bright and soft, so young and untainted as they looked away again to follow the movement of her own hand. The soldier was not there. Her breath reeked of sake as she spoke._

_“I knew it,” she breathed out. “Still so fluffy. I’m relieved.”_

_She retracted and sighed contently. After one more look up at the sky, she downed her own cup before Gintoki was left alone to drink in the night._

Aggravated from his confusing thoughts, he ruffled his hair and downed his drink.

“Damn that woman.”


	4. Chapter 4

“Hurry-“  
  
Gintoki’s voice was hushed and breathless, almost begging. I can feel his warm breath on my ear. My sleeve was being tugged.

“G-Gin-“ I started. I was very shocked. I did not expect this. I did not expect this at all. “Please, calm down-“

“I am begging you, don’t torture me like this,” There was pleading and impatience in his voice. My sleeve was yanked harder this time, to a point where my robe was slipping off. A gasp escaped my lips before I can catch myself. I tried to clutch onto the slipped fabric, but his sudden grip on my arm was too tight.

“I can’t take it anymore,” Gintoki’s voice was urgent now, uncontrollable. It got louder but it was shaking and unstable. I pressed my hand against his arm. His bicep moved under his sleeve, firm and sturdy.

“Wait, Gintoki no-“

“Don’t keep me waiting like this! I can’t. I just can’t stand it-“

I can barely breathe as he was now gripping both sides of my arms. He was way too close to me; his face was delirious. I felt my entire upper body heat up by the sudden closeness.

“Gintoki, please! Just wait-“

“You know what,” He was rambling again. “If you dress up in a nurse’s outfit maybe it will work-“

“Gintoki!” I gasped again. His grip was too tight. I hit his chest. I felt too exposed.

“I’ll do anything you want, I beg you,” he pleaded. “Let’s just-“  
  
I smacked the living shit out of him. A high moan slipped out his mouth as he slid onto the floor. I was heaving, yanking my robe back onto my shoulders with my hand over my chest, like as if I did not have a sleeveless black top on. Usually, I had no issue revealing my arms. But this was just too much for me to handle. I am starting to think Kagura and Shinpachi set me up.

“You know, any other situation, I would’ve loved for you to talk to me like that,” I joked, but my tone was stern. I readjusted my robe as it was way too loose now. I huffed as my cheeks burned. “But get your shit together.”

  
“We’re in the middle of a dentist’s office, for fuck’s sake.”

Gintoki was fully prostrated on the floor, quietly laughing to himself. I rolled my eyes. My ears were burning red as the kid next to us was staring at him, back at me, then back at him, her mouth wide open. Her own mother was too overwhelmingly shocked to even think about her own child. This grown man was still on the floor laughing like a maniac, still in the same position I smacked him into. I used one foot and stepped on his protruding ass. Squishy.

“Get. Up.”

“No! It’s what they _want_ you to say!”

“Sakata Gintoki.”

He whipped around, ass still protruding, his face flushed. With tear-filled eyes and one cheek swollen, he looked back at me. In the most dramatic way, he screamed.  
  
“No!”

I lifted my heel and brought it down onto his tailbone. My eye was twitching. I patted his empty seat.

“Just wait a bit longer. You’re up next.”

“Are you able to come with me?” He was back in his seat now, but his leg next to mine was shaking.

I pressed a hand onto his knee and stilled it. “No.”

“What if I have to pick a package and they install another pain-relieving robot onto me? I don’t need more fabricated mental images in my head, I’m still shaking off the old ones. I’ve had enough of my dick being a joke in the series already, I thought this fic writer would at least give me a break-”

I laughed at his silliness. Where is he getting this from? “What, no. That’s not going to happen. I go to this office. I trust it. You’ll be better long before dinner, Gintoki. Besides, all the girls here are absolute dolls. It’ll be rather enjoyable.”

He is quiet again, but he is still fidgeting. After a few seconds, his leg was back to shaking. I press my hand on it again until it stilled. I went back to my magazine.

“Are you sure you won’t dress in their uniform-“

“Gintoki, out of all the smooth ways you can ask me to hold your hand,” I drawled monotonously. “You pick the most, unappealing, unromantic way.”

But it is passing through his head. No retort or comeback because he is not hearing a word I am saying. This man is absolutely terrified of his visit to the dentist. I try focusing on my magazine again, tuning him out as he continued to convince me to come with him whenever they were to call his name. I sighed in disbelief. This man, fellow veteran of war, known as the White Devil – brought down by cavities. I looked at his arm, his hand - even his slightly revealed chest under his attire. An incredibly built form where, if you were to stare as hard as I was staring, multiple scars have decorated and permanently resided. There were even scabs still healing from god knows what arc Yorozuya just finished before I got here. This man has fought countless battles and his body continues to prove it. I watched his hand grip the armchair. His knuckles were so calloused. I looked at my own right hand as I flipped another page.

It may not be as smooth as society deems a lady’s hand should be, but I do try. I enjoy nice and evenly grown nails before they break from rough handling. As I age, the wrinkles on the back of my hand seem more apparent and I found myself moisturizing my hands a lot more when I was not on a job. As an adult, I found myself slathering on healing ointments a lot more than usual. I had decided to add more tattoos along with the personal markings Doctor had painfully carved into my arm and body. Petals of a dying chrysanthemum reached from my wrists down to the top of my hands, black with crimson red lining. To many in Japan, such images may be taboo and unattractive on a woman, but for me, it was what makes my arms and hands easier to look at. A peace of mind.

I feel Gintoki’s leg shake under my hand and I side-eyed him. I still cannot believe I saw such a man prostrated on all fours. In public.

Right on cue, one of the receptionists calls out his name. “S…Sakata Gintoki?”

Gintoki immediately stills and slowly stands up in silence. I notice my footprint on the back of his robe. Like a mother, I patted his ass rid of it, and ushered him forward. As he rigidly enters and disappears, I sat back and readjusted the magazine. I took a deep breath as I tried to slow down my breathing and still my fast-beating heart. My ears were still burning as I can still feel Gintoki’s grip on my arms and his breath on my ears. I flipped a page.

In fact, I can still remember every moment we physically made contact today. It was unfamiliar and odd to me, since I have always kept a polite distance from him and the kids. But my mind insisted on dwelling over these little moments – like when he grabbed my wrist instead of just avoiding whatever object thrown, or when he had allowed me to briefly hold his mouth when he had tried to hide from us the pain and sensitivity he felt on one side of his mouth. I have tried to mentally shake off how firm his hand felt on my lower back before he lightly shoved me forward to lead the way.

This dentist’s office was open on holidays, with multiple branches open in different areas. Not only convenient, its services were immaculate since it was operated by Amantos and their advanced technology. It was nice to know I had a place to get a quick fixer upper after a battle or fight. A bit pricey, but since Yorozuya had been persistent in refusing my two month’s rent - to the point where they had threw back my money into my own face - why not cover his expenses to get his teeth cleaned and checked? Gintoki will be fixed up long before our hotpot tonight.

I took another deep breath as I flipped through another page I was not retaining, letting the embarrassment and self-shame drown me. I cannot believe I was making such a big deal over this. At my grown age.

To many, these little physical contacts are not much – and they truly were not. I have seen the way Yorozuya interacts with each other and with others in Edo. This should not be a big deal and yet I find myself wondering if the night I had touched his head broke some physical barrier between us.

I sighed again, flipping another page. I must be out my mind. Have I been this touch-deprived? How long has it been?

I stared up into nothing and counted off my fingers. Gradually, darkness gloomed over my face. Goodness.

Slowly, I brought up my magazine to hide my face as I feel the little kid’s eyes on me again.

In the back of my mind, I wonder if Gintoki remembers anything, anything about how we met in the graveyard.

-

“So,” I took another spoonful of my dessert. “Admit it.”

“Shut up,” Gintoki spoke softly as he also took a spoonful of his parfait. His swollen cheek was gone, and despite an annoyed brow on his forehead, he seemed a lot calmer and relaxed, now that he had some sweets. I had decided after his appointment, the big boy needed a treat. I watch him as he muttered with a spoon in his mouth. “You’re so annoying.”

I chuckled as I took another spoonful. Truly, this place had the best strawberry ice cream. The new shops do not make it this simplistic anymore. Sugar is nice and sweet, but have many forgotten of flavor? Sweet and a bit tangy was how I liked my strawberry flavor, exactly like a ripe strawberry. So red that you were guaranteed some sweetness, but there was always that refreshing, almost close to sour, feeling on your tongue. That should be how a strawberry flavor ice cream should taste like. I took another spoonful as I look out the window I sat by, peering up at the direction of the sky. I was relieved that it will not snow tonight. Despite the cold, the sun was setting as brightly as ever. The glowing color of blood orange spilled onto our table from outside, casting and creating on our empty, chocolate and cream stained glasses rainbow prisms on our table. My stomach felt uncomfortable with the sun’s colors at this hour.

As we continued to sit in a comfortable silence, I gently placed my chin on my hand, as I let the spoonful of ice cream melt in my mouth. The sky was still clear. To my luck, perhaps tonight would not be as cloudy, even if there was no snow. And besides, it was New Years Eve. There would be a lot of people in the streets. There was no point lulling in regret because it was too late to change my mind and leave. Gintoki and I were finishing up our last serving before we head back.

“Stop worrying.”

Speaking of the silver-haired devil, his deep voice pulls me out of my thoughts. Lifting my head, I turned to him. The orange cast on our table made his eyes shine. It was so pretty. His eyes were observing me, reading me as he continued. “It’ll be clear skies tonight. And fireworks. You don’t need to worry on your way home.”

He took another spoonful of his parfait. He was eating faster than I was. “Cloudy skies mean you can’t see shadows as easily, right? So you always like to travel when the sky is clear. Edo is planning fireworks tonight, so you don’t need to worry. Now eat. Your ice cream is melting.”

The loud voices in my head gradually turned quiet now. For once, it felt so peacefully quiet as my focus on him was so crisp and clear. I watched him go back to his parfait, muttering how he should just take my serving. I was not even listening when he threatened to take my ice cream. In one swift moment, this man had left me so exposed, but I was thankful he did not pry anymore. I felt myself take a deep breath, breathing in this moment – table littered with empty dessert glasses, napkins. Silver hair and brightly lit red eyes under the crimson-orange light. The chime of the shop’s bell. The light gust of cold wind every time it opened. I watched him grab my ice cream to finish it, nagging about my wastefulness.

“Gintoki,” I spoke out his name softly. I was subtly surprised at my tone of voice. It sounded tired, relaxed - almost defeated, but a smile settled onto my face. I reached over and took another spoonful of my stolen ice cream. I sat back in my seat and looked out the window one more time. I tried to lighten up my voice without much success. “If this lifetime would let me, I think I’d marry you in a heartbeat.”

I was not listening to anything as I plopped the spoon back into my mouth again, looking at the streets of Edo. I can almost feel the rush of serotonin as the strawberry flavor melted on my tongue.

Really, they don’t make simplicity like this anymore.

-

He was not sure how long he had noticed it, but it most likely was from the second time she visited. But now, it was for sure. His eyes were not playing tricks on him.

Shinpachi leaned to his right, avoiding a flying bottle just in time. He sighed as he heard shattering glass behind him. Well, as least it was empty. One less thing to clean up tomorrow.

He had given up on yelling. Everyone was doing it for him anyway. What had initially been hotpot with just the four of them, now was a whole floor of utter chaos. Pure chaos in true form. This must be. Otose, Catherine, and Tama had joined. But on top of that, his own sister had also joined. An hour after that, Sarutobi was discovered hiding in Kagura’s closet and was eventually hurled out the window by Gintoki.

Otose joining was a given. Kane-san had surprised all of them by showing up on New Years Eve, so of course, it was a matter of celebration. Otose even seemed softer in demeanor tonight. Although Shinpachi will be forever grateful for Kane’s generosity with each visit, Otose, as well as Gintoki, in a surprising mutual agreement requested Shinpachi and Kagura to get more meat and ingredients as Gintoki was escorted to the dentist. No wonder when Kane stubbornly wrestled Gintoki at the snack bar, Gintoki easily gave in when she told him of a dentist place she knew.

Otose had also planned to gift Kane-san a birthday gift. But before Kagura and Shinpachi can find out what Otose got her, she already wrapped it up and secured it on herself.

“Honestly, I don’t know when her birthday is,” Otose muttered as she lit a cigarette in the grocery store. The poor worker who dared to warn her not to smoke indoors was now in a corner, nursing his face. “But wouldn’t hurt to give her one. God knows when that silly girl is going to come back.”

Kagura and Shinpachi knew that very well. He had remembered the first year Kagura had softly spoke to him outside Yorozuya as they watched the woman leave.

“Shinpachi,” She had started quietly. “She smells so bad.”

He remembered being very shocked at her statement. The woman’s perfume smelled amazing. The moment he had followed her out, he had smelled it the moment she looked back to Gintoki. He was just close enough to smell it from a shift of movement. Maturely sweet and earthy. Expensive.

“No,” Kagura’s silence had reminded him of when they were in Yoshiwara. “She smells of blood. Not of Yato, but just… blood.”

That statement still haunts Shinpachi today. It is not often he and Gintoki witnessed Kagura’s intuitions and swift senses – but it was there, and not to be taken lightly. But here they were, seemingly taking it very lightly. There was nothing normal about their relationship with this woman. They did not even know her name. The only thing they were able to entrust was Otose’s own feelings for the woman. But before he realized it, almost two years have passed and Kane-san’s visits have been something all of them looked forward to, more than they would like to admit. More than Gintoki would like to admit, as Shinpachi and Kagura noticed.

Kagura and Catherine was now fighting over the remote. The countdown was long over, and Catherine wanted to watch something else. Gintoki and Otose were fighting over the hotpot again, despite the endless meat we still had thanks to Kane-san. Eventually, Shinpachi’s eyes rest on Kane, who was very oddly impressed by Tama’s shots of oil. It was amusing to watch a woman so often calm and proper in her demeanor now bewildered and enthusiastically fascinated by a cyborg. Shinpachi yelled when he noticed Kane’s contemplation of wanting to try a shot. The cheesy grin on her face, the scratching of the head - he found himself shaking his head as he lectured this grown woman. His sister laughing did not help at all, as if his sister were any different.

His sister and Sarutobi had attempted to gang up on Kane, being a new and rather beautiful woman to have entered so suddenly in Edo. ‘Stunning’. That was the word they used, because of how Kane had stood out, despite her demeanor to be so reserved. Despite the ‘unclassy’ nose piercing and the ‘obnoxious’ tattoos, Kane was ‘guilty’ of being mysteriously and oddly able to have Yorozuya devote an entire day with her at her demand. So, of course, the two ladies could not help their selves and had to interrogate. Suddenly, this woman in a fic can just self-insert herself in a series that all the woman in this show fought long and hard to get spotlights for? Does she even understand how hard it is to keep a ranking and lasting position in fans’ hearts when the series ended? Does she even understand the injustice of these women being overshadowed by an antagonist that showed up for maybe 5-6 episodes? 

Sa-chan’s intentions were even worse and it reflected her strong obsession with Gin-san. The verbal language interrogating Kane-san – he was grateful this was a written fic, not an episode aired with another character. It seems Kane can be just as vulgar in language.

But despite the two women sizing her up, Kane had dealt with both so well, there were moments even Shinpachi and Gintoki had looked at her like they can kiss her. She had thoroughly enjoyed the two women’s attention on her, to the point where Shinpachi had blushed at her charismatic behavior. She had even convinced his sister to give her the dark matter of a side dish she had brought with her, insisting she had needed Otae’s food when she was to depart later this evening. Shinpachi was sure Kane knew she had saved the entire group a trip to the hospital. Had left his sister in such a blushing mess that Shinpachi prayed Kyuubei’s senses did not ring and hoped the Gorilla was no where near them. She was deadly; when she paid attention to you her eyes stared into you, always so endlessly inviting but because of it, so distant as she didn’t need to show much of herself. Shinpachi almost felt uncomfortably shy just witnessing his own sister blush so much from Kane’s willingness to play into her antics.

Kane did not even bat an eye to Sarutobi’s own crazy antics but had only whispered one little thing to her, causing the ninja to be in a mess. Prostrated on the floor with incoherent words of fantasies, she was overly excited of some new experiment involving Kane and Gintoki to the point where Gintoki had hurled her into the sky before berating Kane for instigating the masochist. All Kane had responded with was an open invite for him, which had infuriated Gintoki more. But despite all this, this New Years was the least violent they have had. They only had to deal with all the women’s drunken behaviors – Kane herself included. But hell, the two men will take it. Shinpachi sighed again, in both relief and exhaustion.

However, all these chaotic happenings were not what made Shinpachi stop and observe this regular scene he has often been a part of. He had stopped his yelling and usual routine because of something else. He had witnessed something so rare that even his sister had looked over to him in surprise, questioning whether they had both seen it or not. Since then, it has been burning in his mind.

During the last few seconds to midnight, when everyone had been so busy screaming, yelling, shrieking, or crying, Kane had taken it upon herself to pour everyone one more cup. Almost immediately, Shinpachi’s surroundings slowly muted as his focus made what happened before him slow down. Gintoki, who had been sitting next to her, reached over her hand – her hand Shinpachi had once again noted with new damages and scars - and took the bottle from her so he can pour instead. Shinpachi watched the gentle touch of his fingers over hers, removing it so gently without a single roughness or usual attitude. It stopped Shinpachi’s world as he watched this man pour everyone a drink, before pouring hers.

He would have doubted his own sense of sight if it were not for his own sister who had looked his way, with her widened eyes and cheeks slightly blushed from witnessing such a moment. To everyone else, it might have been something not worth noticing, for everyone was too busy amidst their own drunk chaos. He could not even tear his eyes away as he quietly watched the two hold their cups at each other, a small smile sitting on Gintoki’s mouth.

“To your safe return.”

“To returning.”

It was like watching two old friends share a drink, even though none of them have ever seen this woman in their life before she came knocking three summers ago. But as Shinpachi thought about, it must be nice for Gintoki. Almost everyone around Gintoki were younger than him, besides his own comrades whom he seldom wanted to see. Kane seemed of close age and had the same look of multiple lifetimes worth of long-lived experiences in her eyes, just like Gintoki. Perhaps, in spirit, they were old friends or acquaintances without the need to bring up a past. Their slow drinking, the moment of silence in the middle of their remaining countdown before Catherine had dragged Gintoki by the hair and Kane started laughing – Shinpachi had to hold his breath. Then suddenly, it was like nothing happened. Time moved like normal, and Shinpachi felt he was back in the present. Even as the moment was gone, Shinpachi could not shake it out of his mind. He was too pre-occupied with what he saw that he could not even keep up his own shtick in their group dynamic. His heart was pounding, and his ears burned warm as he tried to process what he took in.

Shinpachi has been by Gintoki’s side for years. He watched this man both up close and from afar, learned lessons from years of seeing Gintoki face his own struggles. Whatever and whenever there was a problem, it seemed Gintoki was always there. And no matter how small or grand the issue was, Gintoki was always there. But there was another thing Shinpachi learned. This man has _never_ learned to stop being a soldier, and most likely never will. No matter how lazy he is, no matter how shameless he can be, and no matter how much this grown man may complain or pretend, Shinpachi and Kagura out of everyone in Edo have lost count of the times Gintoki has thrown his body at the frontline for even a stranger. The wear and tear of his own strong body shows it. There were moments where, Shinpachi, as much as he revered this man’s soul and strength, worried if Gin’s body can physically keep up with his own soul. Shinpachi yearns to be like him, but there were moments where a slight slither of fear paralyzes him, because he questioned exactly what he was wishing for when he sees Gintoki’s bloodied, damaged body, still getting up no matter what. This man was of extremes and knew no limit or hesitation. Unfortunately, this man in Shinpachi’s life still seemed to be running at full speed, when truly, there was nothing to run from anymore. Nothing to charge at.

So when Shinpachi watched this man display such an oddly precise, careful and held back action, even the Shimura siblings had to pause and blush from witnessing such a moment.

Pure tenderness, Shinpachi thought. This must be what Gintoki’s tenderness is. This must be what Shinpachi is noticing.

If this was Gintoki’s tenderness, Shinpachi cannot possibly look away. Such a rare display had made Shinpachi’s heart fasten because, if ever came a moment where something or someone was so precious and delicate to him, he strongly felt this was the kind of action he hoped to display as effortlessly as Gin had. This was something he did not realize he wanted to know and should know. It was like the man had found a fleeting butterfly and was showing Shinpachi how to touch it, without letting the oils and dirt on your fingers damage and taint its wings.

Shinpachi turned to watch the woman, laughing in such a comfort he has never seen her do. She really is incredibly beautiful, especially the way she laughed. Loud and hard, unashamed. It was the kind of laugh Gintoki must enjoy and Shinpachi understood why. It was a laugh that came from the stomach and made you smile, that makes you want to be a part of it. A laugh that, before you realized it, made you want to laugh similarly too – to the same rhythm, chord, or pace. It can turn heads, make the bitter frown but the interesting ones follow. He saw it in himself, in Kagura’s increased gags. In Catherine’s smug look, in Tama’s smile, in his sister’s own laughs that seemed stretch along and match to Kane’s own laughs. Shinpachi could not even hide his own laughs that also wanted to dance along. He watched Kane’s tattooed hand softly hit the table as she held her stomach. He saw the new scar on top of her older one. He saw the bruising of her wrist that even her dark tattoos could not conceal as effortlessly as before. He was sure Gintoki had long spotted it, but Shinpachi just realized that her injuries were a lot more severe than a few months ago in the summer. 

As it got later into the night, Kane cued her moment to leave. As mysterious and reclusive as always, she had refused Kagura’s plead to sleepover, even politely declined both him and his sister’s offer to stay at their place.

“You guys are awfully kind,” She spoke as she declined Shinpachi the second time. Shinpachi noted the hint of politeness returning to her voice. Kagura had fallen asleep on her lap. Kane gently lifted the little girl’s head like as if she were not a heavy-sleeping Yato and repositioned the little girl before getting up. “I must go, I’ve really taken advantage of my stay here already.”

Shinpachi watched the woman brush Kagura’s messy hair away from her face before heading towards the door. Passing by Otae, she give Shinpachi’s sister a light hug and a playful kiss on the cheek before she thanked her for her food, leaving his sister bright red and her palm of Buddha slapping Shinpachi on his arm, unable to contain her gushing. He could have sworn his arm was now broken. Gintoki did not bat an eye as he continued drinking, watching Ketsuno Ana report live the post-countdown in Edo’s city center. As Kane passed Shinpachi last, he felt her hand lightly ruffle his head. A waft of sake and cinnamon engulfed his senses.

A few moments after, before Shinpachi can help himself, he got up and followed her. Stepping out into the cold, he leaned against the railing and found Kane down below, looking up at the sky lit with fireworks. Her breath was seen in the chilly air, soft and short.

“Kane-san!” Shinpachi called out. He watched her turn to him. The orange and red light from the fireworks casted a glow upon her skin and hair. In his mind, he could not stop replaying Gintoki taking the sake bottle from her hands. The look on Gintoki’s face as he watched Kane drink her cup first before he drank his own. Gintoki counting his own money for this month’s rent. “Please come back. Come back as often as you can.”

“I-I know this is not my place, and I don’t know why you seem so scared,” he continued. He could not stop replaying Kane’s laugh in his mind. Otose’s smile, so happy but so achingly saturated in nostalgia.

“But we want to make memories with you too, Kane-san. It’s not fair. Please have more trust in us. Edo is tough. Gintoki is str-“

“Shinpachi,” Kane breathed out. So low and resonating, her tone. It lulled Shinpachi into silence and even stilled his loud heart. He watched the chilly wind blow through her hair. The cold wind joined the alcohol and nipped at her nose red. Her lips flushed from intoxication still donned that tired smile. “I know. But I don’t need saving. Especially not from a reckless, stubborn man like him.”

She lifted her head slightly higher in the direction of the sky. Her eyes were like a hawk’s. Shinpachi eyes widened as he realized right then that she was not really looking at the sky, nor was she admiring the fireworks. Her eyes were lurking at the rooftops. She spoke out again. “But do you know how to get a stubborn man to stop throwing and sacrificing his body around so recklessly?”

Shinpachi held his breath as she looked at him, her smile turning to a grin. Her grin was crooked and playful, but her eyes were fiercely determined. Almost cocky. “You have to be stronger than him.”

“Besides,” She turned away and started walking, holding up in the air and carelessly waving the hand that held Otae’s dark matter and the messily wrapped box of pickled seaweed Kagura gave her. She was speaking louder in pure, drunken amusement. “I need him to fall head over heels for me, so let’s keep him on his toes, Shinpachi.” 

“Until them, be a doll and take care of the old man for me, would ya? I still need that pre-engagement necklace from him. You hear that, Ricky dear?”

Shinpachi heard Kagura’s quiet voice behind Yorozuya’s closed door. Despite her attitude, he heard the sadness in her tone.

“Tsk. Anego’s standards are really low. Gin-chan, I want to know what kind of guardian angel is looking out for yo-”

There was a thud, then a pause. Shinpachi heard footsteps fade into the home as sounds of Kagura wincing and hissing stayed by the entrance door.


End file.
